Aftershocks
by smittysgirl
Summary: [ATaP] A moment's weakness changes 2 lives forever.
1. Default Chapter

Discliamer: Buena Vista owns Ninja Storm. I don't. This story is set in Another Time and Place continuity about a year before the story begins.

Aftershocks

by Smittysgirl

_Dear Tori, Today's race was good. I missed you. _

Tori read Blake's postcard with a frown. When she complained before that he didn't write or call, it was nothing compared to how little she heard from him now that she was an Academy teacher and he was out racing.

Intellectually she knew this sort of thing happened all the time in relationships, teenage relationships in particular. They were both too busy gaining valuable life experience to find time for one another. In a few years the people they were would have drifted quite a ways from each other, and while she'd never entertained fantasies of their settling down to raise a family, it still chafed to think she'd lost him before they'd even gone on a date.

She put the postcard back in an inside pocket of her robe and got up. Maybe she and Blake weren't meant to be. After all, Hunter heard more from Blake than she did. She was out of the loop. "And this is why long-distance relationships never work," she muttered.

"You're just now realizing that?" came a flat voice from behind her.

Cam, she sighed. She'd half expected one of her students to have barged in on her after hours again. Turning around, she couldn't help but notice her old friend and fellow instructor greeting her with an underfstanding smile. "I think it's important to restate the obvious sometimes. It keeps you humble. Snow is cold, in case you were wondering."

"Thanks for keeping me in the loop." His eyes darted around the room for a moment. "If this is uncomfortable, just let me know. I was coming to let you know Shane and Dustin were planning to take disgusting advantage of happy hour appetizer specials at that Godforsaken pub. Knowing you, I figured it was a safe bet you wanted in."

"Thanks," she said, smiling. Maybe she'd get rip-roaring drunk. She'd never done that before.... of course, that probably wasn't a good idea for an Academy teacher. Especially one who had to show up to teach class the next day.

"Do you want to talk about it, or should I just stumble out of here mumbling some forced words of comfort?"

She'd forgotten he was there, for a moment. Just for a moment. No wonder Shane and Dustin had forgotten all about him half the time. "Sorry. It's Blake."

"I gathered. I know exactly what you're going through. I lost my first two girlfriends to time and distance. I inadvertanly introduced one to her husband."

"And I lose one to the racetrack, because I wanted to teach at the Academy."

Cam chewed his lip for a moment. "What small comfort this is, it could have been a lot worse. You're losing him to something outside of you both. There won't be any words exchanged, you won't end up doing something you'll regret later."

Tori nodded. "At least I have teaching to keep me busy."

He looked up at her from his own thoughts, his eyes shining. "Just don't let your work be an excuse to avoid what you're feeling. Don't let it become your life. Once you start down that road you can't go back."

"That's why you were... the way you were when we met you, right?" Tori asked.

Cam slumped against the doorframe, looking simutaneously older and younger than his 27 years of age. "That's why I am who I am."

"Cam... I'm sorry," Tori said. "I didn't mean to...."

He shook his head. "Not your fault. I mean that. I certainly didn't mean to minimize how you're feeling right now."

"I'm not...." Tori paused. "Blake's wanted to race for such a long time. At least he knew what he wanted to do when he graduated the Academy. I thought I had two more years left. I hadn't thought what I was going to do, and I somehow thought I had more time with hiim."

Cam smiled thinly. "You always think there's going to be enough time, don't you? To tell someone what they mean to you, to get around to doing everything you promsed yourself you'd do before you died. To not be a slave to the workaday world."

"Or caught up in Academy life, or racing...." Tori said, the corners of her mouth twitching up. "He was the only one of us who left the Academies. I envied him."

Cam struggled with something, finally exhaling for nearly twenty seconds. "You know, of our little band of thieves I think seeing you choose this life hurt me the most. You're so much better than the rest of us."

"Mom and Dad wanted me to go to college. Instead, I came here to teach. I promised myself I'd earn the money, and then take college classes."

"And now?"

"I'm having trouble figuring out what being a ninja means for the rest of my life. The rest of the world seems so mundane after you've saved it. And it's not like I can discuss it out there."

"Once you're in, it just starts taking over everything in your life. There are times I wish more than anything that I'd never come back here after college. That's why I lost Helena, back when I was seventeen - I'd just finished my third year at MIT. That was when Lothor and Vexicus first came to Earth, and Dad realized we'd need the Storm Zords online after who knows how many centuries of dormency."

Tori forced herself to smile. "I'm starting to feel like it is - taking over everything, that is. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should leave the Academy. Most graduates do."

"No one as young and beautiful as you should be wasted in a place like this."

In an instant she could see the regret flicker across his eyes. "I should, ah -" he stuttered.

She reached out. "No," she said. "Thanks, Cam."

His gaze refused to meet hers. "Um, thank you."

"Cam?" Tori asked. "Why do you stay here?"

"There's nowhere left for me out there. I've been here for so much of my life now this is all I know. What would I have to talk about with a normal person?" He fidgeted. "It's like some kind of superhuman Stockhome Syndrome. We need to be with people who can understand what we've made all these concessions to."

Tori grinned. "Like finding a Ranger relocation program. Maybe you should use those connections you have and get out and find someone...."

"I tried a few months ago. That leave of absence I took to see my cousin? I was trying to meet some people Tommy knew. It went... let's just say this, I stood a better chance with Leann than any of them."

Tori resisted the urge to chuckle. She had herself resented what she thought were the advances of Sensei Omino's daughter towards Blake before learning she was a dyed in the wool lesbian.

"So, it didn't go well?" Tori asked.

"They were mind-numbingly dull. They did their duty for the required time and left the life behind. They didn't live every moment of their lives in this world... it's not just being a Ranger, it's being what we are, you know?"

"Ninjas," Tori supplied. "We never stopped being ninjas. And now we don't know how to do anything but save the world."

"Exactly." He slumped even further. She worried for his spine. "Blake... Blake got out, Tori. Rejoice for him. He's free, and after his childhood, he's earned it in spades."

"Were this a psychological paper on the effect of being a Ranger on post-Ranger lives, it would be fascinating," Tori said. "Right now I want to get drunk."

"I'll leave you three to it, then." The ghost of a smile he'd initially greeted her with returned. "I'm sorry to keep you from your friends."

She shook her head, her better judgment returning. "I better not. I don't want my first real job to end by your father firing me for drunkenness."

"I'll cover for you. Just be prepared to lie creatively on Thursday."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: part 1.

Aftershocks  
by Smittysgirl  
chapter 2

Tori walked towards the dorms and Cam watched her go. She'd left without him, again, but it was because she wanted to be with the others.

Why did he expect this to go any differently? She took pity on him, it was as simple as that. Even calling her beautiful, lazy slip of the tongue though it was, elicited nothing more than vague compassion.

How long had he loved her? How long had he gazed upon her radiant majesty and wished fervently that she would just once gaze upon him with that same adulation? How long had it been since he realized the vast groundswell of potential in her?

With a sigh Cam headed back towards the male dormotories.

* * *

"They left without me," Tori said, a note in her hand.

Taking the profered paper, Cam had to strifle a laugh. Dustin, hurting for nachos, had bolted less than five minutes later. Shane had held out for another ten before leaving. They said they'd bring Tori a doggy bag, but somehow Cam doubted anything would survive the car ride back to the academy.

"I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to keep you."

"I don't mind. I guess getting rip-roaring drunk isn't in the plans for tonight." She leaned on the wall. "I guess I'm going to stay here, then."

"Who says the two aren't mutually exclusive?"

Two in one night? Great track record, Watanabe. There's how many ways she can misconstrue that statement, none of them particularly positive?

"Thanks, but I don't think Sensei's too big on hard liquor, even in the teachers' quarters."

Oh, there's no way you're getting out of this without threading the needle tightly.

"No, I mean - I have a decent enough bar in my quarters. If you really want to get drunk, you're welcome to it. Assuming you don't mind the company of a bitter old man, I mean."

Smooth, Watanabe. Smooth.

"Cam, you're not old."

"Old enough. I know how it is at your age, you know."

"You weren't saving the world at my age."

"Touche. So you want to get schnauckered with your friend and teammate Cam?"

"Why not?" she asked.

"Great. I assume you know the way."

* * *

Tori woke up slowly, covered in green blankets, and winced at the light.

"Ughhhh," she groaned. "Wha'imezits?"

She could barely see a figure in green gliding about the room. "Six. In the morning."

"'hankgod." She paused. "W'enzclazz?"

"Eight." the figure said. He handed her something reddish dark.

She dutyfully drank it, not thinking about what the contents might be or why she was supposed to have it.

"Ugh! Z'awful." she spat.

"Do you intend to teach class or not?" the figure asked.

What was left of her enebriated brain obliged, swallowing it in one gulp. She hacked for a few moments and pulled the sheets back over her head.

"I'll be back," the figure promised.

She mumbled in reply and tried to force herself back to sleep. But sleep wouldn't come. So she concentrated on making the room focus. She could vaguely make out a poster for some classic punk band on the far wall and congratulated herself on being able to decipher English again.

Maybe in the next two hours she would be human enough to remember exactly what class she was teaching.

The figure returned, carrying a steaming bowl. The thought of food sent an immediate serge of revolution through her, and she burrowed further underneath the covers.

"Get up, Tori," the figure said. "You've got to be awake for your Fundamentals class."

"tell'mah'msik."

"Dad will try to come to your quarters with chicken soup. You really don't want him to do that."

Dad? She bolted upright, displacing her cloth womb. "Cam?"

"Steady. You're in my quarters."

"I... you... how much did I drink?"

She lowered her gaze from his nightstand lamp, and the sight of her bare breasts snapped her into a greater state of alertness.

"Let's just say you wanted to get rip roaring drunk, and succeeded."

She closed her eyes and forced a deep breath. She wasn't going to panic. She'd seen enough teen comedies to know this sort of thing had some precedent in the real world. And she could find time to regret it later.

"I, um, I just have one question."

"Yes?" Cam asked. It had to be Cam. It was a blur, but it had to be Cam.

She swallowed. "How was I?"

"Um...." Cam seemed to be at a loss for words.

She tried to smirk, but lacked the motor skills. "I, um, apologize."

"So do I. I... shouldn't have done...."

"Cam, no. It's not anyone's fault."

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Cam asked.

"I remember us coming here to get drunk, and then - Teddy Pendergrass."

"Pretty much," Cam agreed uncomfortably. "I got up at four. That's the only reason I'm here and sane. Plus I don't have any classes today."

She coughed. "What WAS that you gave me?"

"Herbal remedy for hangovers," Cam said. "I figured you'd need it for today."

"That and a long, long shower." She felt her forehead. "Ook."

"Do you think you can stand up?" Cam asked.

"One way to find out." Her eyes had acclimated enough to the light that she could finally meet his gaze. "Be ready if I teeter."

"Right," Cam said as she tentatively stood up. She felt the floor wobble beneath her.

She pitched forward and immediately found herself swept into his arms. In that second, the feel of tactile contact brought it all back.

Her drunken decree that she would die a lonely old spinster.

The feel of their bodies together as they cried - for what, and who was comforting who, she couldn't decipher.

His lips pressed to her naked...

She squeaked, jerking free from his grasp.

"Cam, I... we... I..."

She managed to grab onto something as she looked forlornly at Cam. She had... she had said.... Cam was looking away, as if he couldn't face her.

She didn't know how she was supposed to feel. She wasn't ashamed, and she didn't regret what had happened, but...

"Cam, what I told you?"

"You were drunk. We were drunk."

She fought back tears. "You meant it. I never would have... I didn't mean to take that from you. Not that way."

"It doesn't matter," Cam said. He picked up something from the floor and regarded it. "You'll have to borrow one of my shirts."

She realized, suddenly, it was the remains of her academy uniform. He'd torn through pleather to get to her.

"I don't even remember doing this," Cam said. "It must be some after-effect of the power...." He looked at her. "Hold on." He seemed anxious to dart to his closet.

She swallowed. "Cam, wait." She unsteadily rose back to her feet.

Cam paused, though she swore she saw panic in his eyes. "What?"

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"What?" Cam asked. He made abortive motions as if to head for the closet, but he otherwise seemed paralized.

"You love me." She was surprised by the strength in her voice, a strength that belied her near total desire to bolt for the toilet and void the contents of her stomach for a week.

"You love me, and I think I have a right to know."

Cam looked down. "I've loved you for a while, Tori. It's just ...Ê Blake ...."

"I - I'm flattered, Cam. I really am. And I hope you know how much I've always loved you -"

His hand immediately shot up in protest. "As a friend. Please add that adendum, or at least allow me to. I can't bear anything else right now."

Tori blinked. "You what? After we just did what?"

"you had ... whatever it is you had with Blake. I couldn't intrude on that, Tori! Not for something that was going to die on the launchpad."

"I had a right to know! To make the choice of what we did with that knowledge!" She collapsed back upon the bed in frustration. "I think I deserved to REMEMBER my first time."

"Tori, we were drunk."

"Was that what it was going to take, Cam? I thought I was your best friend. I thought we shared everything."

His fingers tensed for a moment.

"You were in love. You were a student. I didn't feel - there was an improprity...."

"Funny, I don't recall you having a problem with all the time we spent together."

"Tori - It wasn't like that. You weren't in a position to understand."

"I seem to recall we went through a BUNCH of positions, Cam!"

"Tori, you and I were DRUNK!" Cam exclaimed, his voice steadily rising.

Her fists slammed into the pillows. "THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE YOU LYING TO ME!"

"No, you know what there's no excuse for? There's no excuse for how you'd brush me aside to go chasing after Blake, when you're smart enough to know a crush like that wouldn't last. When you KNEW that you'd get your heart broken someday. There's no excuse for how you always precluded me from group activities. I was never part of this team, Tori. It was you and I, and it was you and the rest of them. And I was okay with that, but I wasn't okay with the notion that you were embarassed by our friendship! You..." He let out an inarticulate growl of rage. "You're BETTER than all of this. You're the smartest, kindest, gentlest woman I know. You were everything I ever needed or wanted in a partner, and you're EIGHT FUCKING YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME! If you want to act like it's my fault for not telling you, be prepared to accept the burden of blame for being a sixteen year old girl when we met! I was trying to SHIELD you!"

"From what?" she demanded.

"From this! From having to accept the fact that you're repulsed by me, and what... what we did..." His hand slammed against his bookcase, sending brickabrack flying.

Tori winced, at the noise, if nothing else. "Stop it, Cam!"

"I... I..." He deflated. "I'm sorry. I'm going to take off for a while. Get ready for class. There's oatmeal on the desk, though I doubt you'll want to eat it now. Just..." He choked. "Never mind."

He was out of there before she could say anything more. She wobbled back down onto the bed.


	3. chatper 3

* * *

Disclamer in chapter 1.

Aftershocks

by Smittysgirl

Chapter 3

She'd somehow managed to pull herself back together before class, and quickly foisted a pop quiz on her charges to avoid needing to think. Tori figured her future self would resent needing to grade that many students, but at least it got her ass out of the open flame.

What was it Cam wanted from her? How could he expect her to deal with all this at once? No, that wasn't being fair. She'd been the one to press the issue. Cam had never been anything but a gentleman to her.

Cam had never been anything but a gentleman to her.

She'd always thought that she'd been close to Blake. That Cam had thought of her as an inferior student. Obviously not.

Or maybe he'd begun to think of her that way after he'd become a Ranger. It must have happened after Mr. Ratwell, must have started at that point.

Was he right? How would she have handled it if she'd been made aware after Ratwell what he felt for her? Dismissed it? Avoided him entirely? She already made sure to keep him far enough away from her own friends in a social setting.

She'd told herself that she hadn't wanted her parents to get word of Cam and go ballistic. And she was in love with Blake, or she'd thought so, at least. War made you do some pretty weird things.

In the deepest part of her, Tori knew Cam was right. She would have never accepted his feelings as genuine. Their relationship was great up until a point. They never would have met outside of the academy. Maybe that was what made her put a wall between them - it was too easy to see Cam as an extension of her life as a Ninja.

But what does it mean when you admit that's the only way you've come to define yourself?

She had to get out of there. Leave the Academy. Cam was right. She didn't want to turn into him. Didn't want to deal with this.

With a scream, she fired a stapler across the empty classroom. "GODDAMMIT!"

"Tor?" Shane said, peeking in the door.

She yelped, looking up from her desk forcing a smile. "Shane! Hi! How was drunken debachery?"

"Dustin and I had a good time," Shane said. He folded his arms, looking impressive in teaching robes. "What's wrong, Tori?"

"Wrong? Nothing's the -"

In their dozen years as friends, Shane Clarke had developed an uncanny ability to cut through whatever BS she had constructed around her. Most of the time it was a charming sign of their closeness. Now Tori found it exhausting.

"Tori, I've been your friend since Elementary school, been your teammate and leader since high school, and a fellow teacher for two years. You can't tell me that throwing a stapler across the room is normal behavior for you."

She knew right then she had to talk to someone about this or else she'd explode. "All right. But if I tell this to you, you can't let another soul know. Ever. Especially not Sensei."

Something about the desperation in her voice made Shane pause. "All right. How about we go to the lake? I don't have any classes right now."

"Thank you," she beamed.

"So that's what happened," Tori finished sometime later as they sat in their old uniforms at the lake.

Shane leaned back on his elbows, watching clouds drift across the sky. "I wish I knew what to say right now. I never would have expected this from Cam."

"Yeah," Tori said. "I mean, given how he was when we joined... I just don't know, Shane. I don't know what to do. I don't even know who I'm in love with, or whose in love with me!"

"Leaving the academy seems a bit harsh. Please tell me you're not seriously considering that."

"I might be," Tori said. "I'm not running away, Shane. It's just maybe ... maybe Cam was right. Maybe I need to get away from here before I completely forget who I am."

Shane sighed. "Sometimes, Tor? I wonder if any of us knew who we were before we became Rangers."

"Did we know who we were after becoming Rangers? Have you talked with Porter or your folks lately, Shane?"

"Yeah, I had lunch with Porter last week. My parents..." he sighed. "My parents expected more of me than this, but we were drifting apart before I was chosen. If they can't respect the choices I've made with my life, then this was going to happen whether I became ninja or not."

Tori's mouth quirked up into a grim grin. "Licensed ninja. Not exactly something you can put on a resume in the outside world."

"Yeah, but it looks so good for a government job," he beamed. "I'd really like to go somewhere because of what we've done, Tor. That doesn't mean I don't still skate, and that doesn't mean I don't love my family. It does mean I don't blame being a Ranger for my life changing. Seems to me this is all a nice little scapegoat to avoid having to deal with the real issue."

"What? Having a life?" Tori countered.

"I want you to consider something. Let's just say you hadn't accepted the position at the academy. Are you going to sign up for Factory Blue? Become a moto deadhead, following the tour all around the country? Are you going to go on to college, slowly pushing the rest of us out of your life because you can't stand what we remind you of?"

"Going to college wouldn't mean I'd lose you guys... or I hope not. I just... I've been so absorbed with rebuilding and teaching at the Academy that I haven't realized I need to go on."

"Who said they had to be mutually exclusive? Dustin's doing great for himself. And he still manages to handle a heavier workload then either of us. Torm I'm certainly not about to recommend you go falling into Cam's arms, but isn't this exactly what he said you'd do?"

Tori got up and kicked a rock viciously into the lake. "I don't want to deal with Cam right now."

"You take a sabbatical. You've earned it. Screw your head on straight. Go visit Blake, if that's what it you really need." He fell back into the sand with a practiced grace. "You're so wound right now there's nothing else you can really do."

"And how do I explain to Sensei...."

"Let me worry about that. Don't worry, I'm an artful liar."

Tori shook her head. "When did you get this way, anyway? The guy I remember was way too hot-headed to keep dispensing reliable advice like this."

Shane smirked. "It comes with the red uniform."

"You mean it came from you getting whupped a lot," Tori said, a genuine smile starting on her face.

* * *

"Cam?" Shane coming up to him between classes wasn't a good thing. Not with the look in the younger teacher's eyes. Sometimes Cam swore that Shane forgot he wasn't the team leader any more.

Better to get the inevitible beating over with. "Something bothering you?"

"Tori." Shane said.

Cam sighed, dropping his arms to his sidees. "If you want to start hitting me, feel free."

"Dude, I didn't come here to hit you," Shane said. "I just want to know why she started tossing staplers across the classroom."

"Because she wants to murder me in my sleep." Cam abesently cleaned his classes on a shirt tail. "Sorry if I snapped, but I figured she'd sent you to soften me up."

"No." Shane said. "I talked to her, but she wasn't making much sense. However, I did figure out it somehow involved you. What's going on?"

"Tori found out I care for her, and this led to an altercation. We both said some - strong things."

"I kind of guessed that," Shane said wryly. "She wants to leave the Academy."

Cam swallowed. "We'd talked about that before ... before she found out how I felt. I actually advised her to leave, if it was what made her happy."

"But you're not happy about it," Shane said softly. He leaned against the doorway. "Cam, why didn't you say anything earlier? About how you felt?"

"Pedophilia carries a long jail sentence, Shane."

"You can be in love without having sex," Shane pointed out.

Cam looked at the students dispersing outside and hoped no one was eager to chat with them. "You know what I mean. The stigma. The fact that I never really stood a chance with her."

"Because of Blake? Or because you couldn't bring yourself to deal with us?"

"A little of both, I suppose." His eyes took on a faraway look. "Shane, I think you'll agree with me Tori is boundless. She'll transcend either of us. Our strengths, our weaknesses, she's just... more."

"Cam, I know you feel something for her. But she's Blake's girlfriend."

"Then you understand why I never said anything."

Shane ran his fingers through his short hair. "Hell of a time for the two of you to have a crisis."

"I am truly sorry for this. I never meant to hurt anyone."

"I know," Shane said quietly. "Cam? I know she and Blake haven't been close lately. Just be careful with this."

Cam wiped his glasses again. "Would you be terribly offended if I asked when you got so good at this sort of thing?"

"Dealing with begining wind students for two years. Your cousin Marah, for example."

"Well, I always said you were an -" He choked. "God, I really am an ass. How did you people ever put up with me?"

"Sensei and a lot of patience. You kinda got better after you got to be a Rangrs."

"I'm a child who needed a nook to stop crying. Joy." Cam looked around them for a moment before raising his voice again. "Do you want to get outside for a while? All the sudden the walls seem a bit close for me."

"Sure," Shane said. "Let's go by the fountain." He wondered if he should start a counciling service for other Rangers.

* * *

Blake Bradley wasn't a person prone to deep introspection or long periods of self-examination. He spent too much time circimnavsgating his brother through his psychoses to worry that much about his own problems.

As such it came as an absolute surprise to him when his theoretical girlfriend appeared outside the Factory Blue dorms and demanded to be let in after hours.

"Tori? Are you all right?" he asked. If one of the others had been in trouble, well, everybody knew how to use the telephone. Therefor something had to be wrong with her.

Her eyes darted around the dormotories. "I'll be fine just as soon as you let me in before someone sees. I never took the stealthy assassin extension course, Blake!"

"Oh. Right." Blake led her through the gate and into his dorm. He was suddenly grateful for his private room.

As soon as he locked the door to his apartment, Tori pushed him up against the wall, her expression severe. "I'm just going to ask you this question once, and then everything will be a lot simpler for the both of us, all right?"

"Um, Tor... l'mee breathe first."

She let go, her eyes widening. "Oh. Sorry."

Blake took a deep breath. "What is it?"

"Do we have a future together? A life, a marriage, kids, a crippling mortgage, a transfer to an equally paying job within the company that requires we move to Raleigh."

"I... what in the heck's going on, Tori?"

"I've been forced to confront some harsh truths about myself, and I'm not in the mood for fucking around! I think I might have just squandered several years of my life with this ninja bullshit, and I need to know I got something REAL out of it."

Something in her eyes, the total desperation like he'd only seen before in caged animals, convinced Blake this was something more than the drunken ramblings of a young girl. That, and the conspicuous lack of alcohol on her breath.

It was the moment where one had to curse, if only inwardly. "Tori, I love you. I know we can't be together, but... are you leaving the Academy?"

"I don't... I... I love you too, Blake. I know we never really said it until you were gone, but I really... I just had to think at the time that there was..."

She collapsed in a heap on the floor, sobbing. Blake held her. "What?"

"What are we? What is... This? Are we friends who are just comfortable with each other? I love you, and I know I love you, and I say I love you, but... what is that, Blake? Is that what my parents felt for each other when they met? What about my sister and her first husband? What are we supposed to BE at this age, with these lives?"

He rubbed her back as the sobs racked her thin frame. "Tori, I don't know what to tell you. I just know that when I'm with you, I know there's something just and decent in the in the world. I know that whatever force that would allow you to exist in this universe must be a wonderful thing."

"But... can our love hold, with me at the Academy and you out on tour? I mean, you don't call me, Blake! You just send me a postcard or two. I talk more to Hunter than I do to you. YOU talk to Hunter more than you do to me."

He sighed. "I guess that's the difference between how we regard love. To me love isn't something that has to be spoken. It's just known. People don't really leave you until they choose to leave you, and make it known. That's what I had to believe, after I lost my parents. I don't have it in me to give the kind of love you need to anyone other than Hunter. I love my brother, but some days I'm running on fumes after we talk. I give him everything racing doesn't take."

"Then I guess it's over," Tori said, surprising herself with how deadly calm she felt. He didn't have to know about her tumble in the bed with Cam. He didn't have to know about her. She could leave the Academy permanently and go on with her life. Make up for the waste of nearly five years of her life.

He looked at her in confusion. "Tori?"

"I'm leaving the Academy, Blake. And..." she paused, not sure how to say what she wanted to say. Somehow it seemed easier on the trip up to see him.

Blake fought back the hurt and confusion he knew was struggling to get out. "And?"

"I'm sorry, Blake." That was all she could get out. She was pissed; she was tired. She wanted to hit something, just like Cam had that morning after they'd ended up in bed together. This was a mistake. Remaining at the Academy was a mistake. She wasn't going to be able to get on with her life until she left all of it behind.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Part 1

Aftershocks

by Smittysgirl

Chapter 3

"People? People! We have a strict schedle we need to be adhering to!"

Marah's voice waifting in through his window was the first thing to register in Cam's sleep adled mind. Cam stretched, and trepped. What the heck was going on? Why was his cousin being so... loud?

He threw on an old sweatshirt and wandered out onto the academy grounds. Marah was directing a legion of her fellow wind students as they lugged someone's personal effects out into the quad.

"Marah, what are you doing?" he yawned.

She yelped at his intrusion, clutching a checklist to her chest protectively and inching backwards. "Cousin! I'm just helping organize a class project."

He looked around in confusion. "Helping someone move is a class project?"

"Well, yeah," Marah said, waving a stamp around. "It's a class project."

Recognition smacked Cam like a moulting bird upside the head. He darted around the young woman, yanking a vase out of a student's hands. "This is Tori's!"

"Well, yah, that's the class project," Marah looked a little bewildered as if wondering why her cousin was questioning what she was doing.

His head whipped back and forth. "WHY are you doing this, Marah? Why isn't Tori here? whhere are you taking these things?"

"Um, Tori asked us to," Marah said. "Don't worry, cous, I wouldn't be doing something like this without instructor permission."

Cam risisted the urge to reach across and strangle her. He took a slow, steadying breath. "Marah, why did Tori ask you to do this. Please. This is important. Is she moving somewhere on campus? Why isn't she here?"

Marah shrugged. "She said it was a secret, Cous. I really can't tell you."

"Where did she tell you to take these things?" he asked slowly, as if speaking to a young child. "I can just follow you to her."

"Um, she had a truch," Marah said, still waving her stamp along.

Cam wanted to scream. This was all going too fast, and his brain couln't process the subtleties of it all. Though he knew none of this was his cousin's fault, she wasn't making this easier for him.

"I'm - I'm sorry," he said finally. "I thought there was, I thought I had more, that she wouldn't..."

"Cous, what are you talking about?" Marah asked. "Tori just decided that she wanted to live somewhere else. She resigned from the Academy."

Cam screamed, not even bothering to muster up decorum. He had to find her. He had to track her down and talk some sense back into her. The sense he'd scared out of her in the first place.

He tore into his bedroom like a whirlwind, hastily stripping and cleaning himself up in the adjoining bathroom before redressing.

What was he thinking? Tori'd handled all of this wonderfully. She didn't resent him, she didn't resent the life, she just missed Blake. How did he turn enneui into depression? It was apparent that something had happened, something that had caused Tori to depart this life comepletely.

He ran back out of the dorms, passing a confused Marah once again. She tried to flag him down, and Cam regretfully slowed his pace.

"What is it?"

"Um, cous, um...." Marah paused. "It's not your fault."/

He stopped. It wasn't fair to take this out on her. "I'm sorry, Mar. This isn't yours, either. And maybe it's not my fault, but I'm accountable all the same."

"Tori wouldn't want you to be unhappy. She just decided that she didn't want to be a ninja anymore."

"Maybe I wanted her to be unhappy," he admitted. He couldn't meet her eyes, and started at the lush forest surrounding the quad. It was easier than looking at the students carting around the last pieces of Tori's life with - or at least in proximity to him. "Maybe I wanted it because she didn't love me back."

"Cous?" Marah asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You don't mean that, Cous?"

"That I love her, or that I wanted her miserable?"

"Cous, when have you wanted anyone miserable?" Marah asked. "I mean, besides your students, and the bad guys, and anybody who gets on your computers without asking you...."

"Yes, I get the point." Cam sighed. "I can't do this, Mar. I can't let her just walk away from her life, her vocation, because of what happened."

Marah shrugged. "You want to stop her?"

"I want..." He leaned against a nearby oak. He suddenly felt like he weghed a ton. "I want everything back the way it used to be. I want her in my life, and to tell with everything else."

"Hey, cous, if you want a happy ending, maybe you should write it."

Cam turned to look at her slowly. "I beg your pardon?"

"Write her a letter. Tell her the story of Cam Watanabe, man in love."

"What?" Cam asked, incredulous.

Marah smiled broadly. "When I was in evil alien high school, all the sweetest boys used to write us promise letters. They'd tell us about the wonderful future we had enslaving star-spanning species and living high on the metalic horse. It was the sweetest thing EVER! Of course, the practice was discarded when we found out the male teachers were passing out form letters to pad out the backstories and thus make us more receptive - anyway, you should totally do it!"

"Without the enslaving and the impression, of course," Cam said thoughtfully.

Marah clapped her hands. "Eee! This is so cute! I was waiting for the day you finally told her how you felt!"

"You knew?" Cam asked incredilously.

"I guessed. We have a dead pool about which members of the faculty are most likely to get involved."

"Great," Cam replied, resisting the urge to tell his father about this. "Look, I'm going to be writing. Can you at least tell me where to send the letter?"

"Sorry, cous, but at least I can take it for you," Marah said. She clapped again. "Oh, this is so wonderful! Cous is in lust!"

"Love!" Cam corrected with a tinge of resignation.

Marah frowned. "I had you down for lust first. Accidental sex which led to a tearful admission of unrequited affections. Will you lie for me? Jack Neuman is gonna pay out big if I was right. I'll split with you."

Cam shook his head. "You sure you didn't inherit pregocnition from your mother's side of the family?"

Marah shook her head enthusiastically. "Nuh-uh. My mom was an evil botanist."

Cam sighed. "You were right." He owed his cousin that much. "And I think you should have Dad test you for precognition. Just don't tell him why."

Marah's brow furrowed. "Wait, if I just predicted the future how do you know I'm right?"

Cam sighed. "Anyway, where is Tori going?"

"I'm supposed to drive the truck to the French Quarter for her to pick it up. I think Tori's sister has an apartment there, so I guess that's why."

Cam sighed. "I'd better write that letter."

Marah patted her on the cheek. "You might, cous. And I have to be there in...." Marah paused. "Get a move on, people!"

* * *

Tori sighed as she heard the clunky uhaul pull down the alleyway. It was big of Tabatha and Jacques to put her up for the night, but she couldn't impose on her sister for much longer than that. She cautiously opened the front door as Marah pulled up with the Uhaul up to the door, almost blocking it.

"How's this?" Marah called out the window.

"I think you need to back up a little," Tori said. "Like, a foot or two. Or five."

Marah half shrugged and began backing the truck further into the building. She stopped with centimeters of clearance left. "Is that enough?"

Tori sighed. "Yeah."

"Yay!" Marah turned off the engine and barreled out the door. She slid a clipboard into the narrow space between the back of the truck and the door. "There's a couple things you need to sign, and everything should eb taken care of!"

"Like what?" Tori asked.

Marah looked at her oddly. "You're planning to return the truck to a different location then the one I got it from, right? And there's insurance."

Tori nodded. She was getting punchy. "Thanks for doing this for me, Marah."

"Don't mention it! I just want you happy." Marah beamed.

Tori leafed through the documents, signing and initialing where indicated. She nearly handed the board back before noticing a envelope affixed to the ver yback. "Marah, what's this?"

"Well, I kind of had a last minute request," Marah said hesitantly. "I mean, it was a really sweet request and everything.

Tori looked confused. "What?"

"Just open the letter," Marah said. "You'll love it!"

Tori very cautiously opened the envelope.

_My dearest Tori._

_This is the story of a man who lived his life in darkness and isolation. Afraid of the world, but more afraid of never finding his place in it. A man who was cold and alone, and wanted nothing more than to pull everyone else down into the chasm where he dwelt. I was 21 when we first met, but I might as well have been a newborn._

The letter continued on like that, detailing Cam's life prior to their meeting but mostly focusing on what she had meant to him, and what her presence in his life had brought into his once empty world. Tori choked back tears as she saw her own sentiments to Blake echoed back.

_I know now that my reaction to you that morning is what drove you away. What made you doubt your own life, your own happiness, and your own well being. I cannot apologize more profusely for causing you this harm, Tori. I only hope one day you will find it in your heart to let me make it up to you in kind._

_Yours eternally,_

_Cam._

Tori sniffled. Marah put a comforting hand on her back. "Cous really does love you."

Tori looked up, tears streaking down her cheeks. "But I don't know if I love him. I know what I said when we made love, but I don't...."

"Couls is sometimes difficult to get along with," Marah said. "Give him time."

The back of the truck began to rise on cue, and Tori looked about for an automatic opener that might have been depressed by accident.

Nestled amid the relics of her old life was Cam. Cam and an absolutely ancient keyboard. He pressed a button on the top of the unit, and a familiar melody began to play. Cam produced a microphone from out of his back pocket and began to sing.

_Maybe you'd like to give me kisses sweet, only for one night with no repeat..._

_Maybe you'd go away and never call ,and a taste of honey is worse than none at all..._

_And oh little girl, In that case I don't want no part, well that that would only break my heart..._

_But if you feel like loving me, if you've got the notion, I second that emotion..._

_Well if you feel like loving me, if you got the notion, I second that emotion..._

"Isn't that so sweep?" Marah asked, clapping her hands together. "I mean, not as sweet as promising to conquer a galaxy for you, but still...."

Once Cam had completed the song he wordlessly turned off the machine and stepped out the back of the truck into the living room. He swallowed loudly, and it was apparent how little he had slept.

"See? He really loves you," Marah said quietly. "And wasn't my idea a hoot?"

Cam crossed the space between them. "Tor, I'm ... can you ever forgive me?"

Tori sighed. "I don't know."

Cam cast a half forgiving, half hostile look Marah's way, and his cousin scooted out the narrow clearance of the door.

"Good luck, cous," Marah half whisphered, and scrambled back towards the truck. She, however, made no move to unload.

Cam cautiousy put his hands on Tori's shoulders. "I never meant to pressure you out of the Academy."

"I know," Tori said. "But you made me realize I needed to have a life. I needed to find one. And that involved getting away from the Academy."

"Is there room enough in that life for another teacher on emeritus?"

Tori looked at him. "You?"

Cam smiled weakly. "I have nothing keeping me there but my dad. My life in that place was empty without you. My life IS with you."

"Are you so sure of that?" Tori asked.

"Say yes! Say yes!" Marah half-called. Cam looked back at her, shooting daggers.

"Sorry, cous," Marah said, shrinking back.

Cam nodded to Tori. "Every word in that letter is gospel. I have nothing in this world but you. If you want to leave, I would like the honor of accompanying you. I want to discover who I am, just like you're discoveirng who you are. And just maybe who we are, together."

Tori looked at him. "You're really sure about this, Cam? You'll leave your home, everything, for me?"

He pulled her to him, and their lips met for an eternal moment. The world dissolved away. They parted, their lips still seeking purchase on the other.

"Without that, what do I have to live for?"

"Yourself," she said.

"I had myself to live for twenty one years, Tor."

"I've had to live for nineteen," Tori said softly. "Come with me, Cam."

They embraced, each feeling the other's tears on their shoulder.


End file.
